Daring To Dream Again

I have recently begun a 50 day spiritual adventure titled Daring To Dream Again. I am participating through Sunday morning worship, weekly small group meetings, and a daily journaling session. As I began this study I wondered what it really means to dream? Webster says a dream is an illusion, a vision. Kind of ironic since an illusion is a false appearance, or a misconception. As I thought, I began to see how illusion and vision could both mean dream. I've always been a dreamer! Sometimes, I would be so wrapped up in my dreams or fantasies that they seemed real. Of course as a child, imagination,  fantisizing, and creativity are normal,even encouraged. I was innundated with the illusions growing up that I could be Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White just to name a few. This almost came true when my girl scout troop decided to do a performance of Snow White. I was chosen by my peers to be Snow White. Notice, I said almost. I changed schools and was no longer a part of that girl scout troop. This was devastating as I was so close to my dream of being a princess. Time healed that wound and I continued to dream. My dreaming progressed from fantasy to more "realistic" and "likely to happen dreams." For example, I knew I would graduate, go to college, meet my husband, graduate from college, get married, have a career, and some kids. I like to refer to these dreams as utopian society dreams. You have the "perfect" progression in life with no obstacles. I would always believe my dreams, in my mind they were real. My dreams of this perfect life, while I believed them, just didn't feel right. Almost as though I was borrowing someone else's dream. I wasn't in reality, and therefore was dreaming what others wanted for me. Well, I did finish high school and even go to college, then life happened. No better way to explain what I realized next than to use some of Taylor Swift's lines. "I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale....." "I was a dreamer before you went and let me down. Now it's too late......" Are you kidding? I was 18 years old, couldn't someone have told me so I could've picked a different dream? Eighteen is too old to begin dreaming about something like the rest of your life. That should've already been figured out. I went with that sentiment, and allowed it to guide me through the next six turbulent years of my life. I didn't bother to dream. What for? What a guide that devil of an attitude was! I had my first daughter a year after entering college. She was definitely a blessing as drugs and alcohol had become my escape. I had many hopes for her, but didn't dwell on them. I was determined she wouldn't face the same disappointing fate. I soon found myself on a mission. My dreams hadn't come true in the exact order, but they were going to happen. I was in control of my destiny. I got a couple more semesters of college, eventually deciding it's just not for me. I also found someone who was ready to settle down. See what happens when you change your attitude and decide you can control your destiny. Ok, slow down! In my lack of dreaming I had lost the vision part. That was the part for me that kept hope alive. The vision was being able to see God's plan for me, not my own. This guy who wanted to "settle down" turned out to be an abuser. For three long years he verbally and physically abused me, lied to me, stole from me, and really made me wish I was dead. This was reality, not a dream! In my darkest hour, I decided to dream a little, and ask God for guidance, it was a long shot, but all I had. I dreamt of a life after him. That was as far as I could see. I asked God to stay with me, and help me leave. Well, God did stay. I slowly got my vision back, and these visions of better days left me seeking God for answers. Three years and another daughter later, my heart was willing, and I left. I began to recover, and realized that without God my dreams were fantasy, and could never be reality. I began dreaming with some faith, and four years to the day after one of the worst beatings I endured (while 6 mo pregnant) I married Isaac. He is amazing, and just recently adopted my daughter from this relationship. Remember when I said earlier that the rest of my life should've already been figured out? Well it was and it is! I just have to trust, obey, and dream with God! Welcome to MY unfinshed fairytale, there are no princesses or princes, only children of God. Phillipians 3:12-14 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.